Friday, September 22, 2006
{ 7:06 AM }
i'm so afraid. everything and everyone look so different. i dont know them. nope. it's all a lie. a lie. nobody will be here by my side. nobody. everyone leaves when i'm down, they go and enjoy themself. because i'm nobody. who am i? why am i here? whatever happens, happens because i caused it to happen. what kind of friend i am? dont you people know? we've been friends for almost three years. do you ever notice anything? do you ever notice anything about me? no..you all will never do anything for me. never. i'm all alone. i take it as i should learn to take everything into my own hands. that's life isnt it? i understand what krishna meant. it's forever MY fault. lam scold us, it's all my fault. people angry, it's all my fault because i cry. i cry, it's all my fault because i'm too weak. when i'm angry, it's all my fault for being so xiao3 qi4. it's always my fault. now, come on everybody, put all the things and blames on me. do so..i dont care. EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT. i'm still walking on..all alone. i can take it everything. i'm vv sad. i finally found out nobody understands me. what do i want? i think i'm trying to get that ideal friend out of everyone. why should i do that? i really very sad. i cried all the way back. do i always have to take everything. i'm dumb, i'm stupid. whatever. but i'm a human. i do have limits. i dont care what you think i am..i'm me. i'm theodora. dont always look at the surface. look into me. what are friends for? no..because i suck too much. i dont have friends..i dont..i'm all alone. trying to brave the storms as it's carrying on. i dont know how long this feeling will prolong..it's just a never ending sadness..
the darkness hid my tearsbecause everything happens for a reasonand i do deserve it.i dread morningfor before dawn breaks, i'll be dead again.only in the dark,do my soul survive. and touch my bleeding heart ,i let out a cry but you never understand.i admire the night, for it prolonged that life.and i'll be living again.i'm so sad..will i remain the same?